I have spoken with several members from other law enforcement agencies since the “gun” incident, and I have been told that the officer I spoke with *should* have written a report. I was told yesterday by a deputy in another agency that failure to write a report, when requested by a person making police contact, could result in disciplinary action, and that it is the responsibility of the officers to help keep people safe. Obviously, this isn’t what happened in my case.
I finally got an updated address “letter” from my son’s father. This is after I had to remind him that he had never sent it to me, after I had sent him a letter. Again, as you will notice, I even offered to cut my vacation short, to accommodate his schedule. I didn’t hear anything back from him until Sunday afternoon demanding a visit.
While on vacation, he texted me and asked me to attend counseling with him (again). I told him to have the therapist call me. I have no intentions of attending anything with him, unless it is court ordered. There is no reason for me to put myself into a situation to be further victimized by this individual.
After he had scheduled the visit on Sunday, after my vacation had wrapped up, he notified me a few hours prior to the visit that he was going on a float trip, and that it would interfere with his scheduled visit with our son. As usual…. priorities.
I have continued to mark the diapers during visits, and he has not changed any since the “poop” incident in April. He verbally told me that he hadn’t called the case manager yet, and wanted to know if I would fight him on getting unsupervised visits. This is after he left a supervised visit with the child, I caught him coming back before he thought I would be there. He also kept the baby out in 91* weather, for the entire visit (thankfully, only an hour long) and returned him to me with a soiled diaper and heat/diaper rash.
My attorney suggested that I file a PFA on Katie, however I chose not to, as I don’t want to risk losing supervised visits. Those are much more important to me, and the safety of my child, than keeping a “new supply” for him away.
At the most recent visit, I discovered that he makes me bring the baby to him in the supervisor’s garage for a reason. I figured this was the case, however, I now know why. On top of the blue tote, is a gun. The gun has been there the last two visits (probably more, but that’s when I noticed it). He makes it a point to stand in front of the blue tote, so he is within close proximity and accessibility of the fire arm each time I am there. This is just another attempt at trying to get me to react, and to intimidate me into complying with him. My son is also tall enough to be able to reach the firearm easily, and I know that the supervisor is not actually supervising anything. With sometimes up to three other children in the home at the same time as the visits, under the age of 6, someone is going to get hurt, eventually. I just hope its not when my son is there.
He continues to jerk me around when scheduling visits, and is now still only seeing the baby once or twice a week for an hour each time. He will schedule, then move and change and reschedule, and never once asks me if it will work for my schedule. On Father’s Day, I had to encourage him to actually spend an hour with the child, because he shortened the time to 30 minutes.
He is still continuing to hose my son off each time I show up to pick him up. To the point the baby is soaking wet when I put him in his car seat. It was mentioned to me that his reasoning for doing this could be that he is trying to conceal an odor that is on his clothes. I cannot prove this. I took this picture for proof that he is hosing him down.
Often it takes two days for the carseat to dry out, and I have a rotation of three pairs of shoes, because they will be so wet when I get the baby back that they do not dry out by the time the next visit is scheduled.
At one recent visit, he asked if the baby was still nursing. I told him that he still nurses at night, so he bent down and told our child to bite mommy really hard. Abusers do this with children of all ages! They use the child to further victimize. The following day, my son bit me so hard it drew blood on my hand. Even though he is only 18 months old, he knows what is going on around him.
We still have not gone back to see the case manager, and I would rather keep this current arrangement than have any more time with this man and my son. Nothing is perfect, but at least this is the best I can do.
I recently joined a support group for victims of domestic violence. They have taught me the “gray rock method.” I didn’t know it, but I have been doing this for months, just without knowing it. Basically, the object is to make yourself so boring, that the narcissist loses interest, and will eventually need the drama from a “new supply.” His new supply is his current girlfriend, and he almost leaves me alone. He is asking me to attend therapy, while living with this other girl, as a means to get a reaction out of me, and to try to further control and capitalize upon my time. These abusers are master manipulators, and I’m not sure that he will ever change. I can only hope that I can protect and shield my child enough that he won’t fall victim to much of his father’s aggression.