Threats, money and power.

Recently at one of the scheduled visits, my coparent tried to get me to go behind the garage with him. I declined.  This has not been a one time occurrence.  There have been repeated attempts to get me alone, out of sight, behind the garage at the supervisors home.  I’ve called and asked questions about what to do, and everyone says I’m doing the right thing by not agreeing to go behind the garage, however no one has a solution to what I am supposed to do.  

At a visit last week, the deck is further stacked against me, when I discovered that my coparent is bringing a rifle to these visits.  I’m not talking about a rifle in the back seat, in a gun rack.  I’m talking about a rifle that is resting on his leg as he’s in the drivers seat of his truck.  I discovered this when I went to pick my son up after a visit and I had to go to his truck to get the baby.  He had been lured to his father’s truck with the promise of candy.  

Once again, I made numerous phone calls and they’ve all said “you need to report this” but no one knows who I should report this to.  He didn’t threaten me with the gun.  He didn’t point the gun. It’s simply there as a means of nonverbal communication and intimidation.

Once again, I ask, how far does this have to go before someone will do something? Why do we need to wait until something happens before we put an end to this? Why can’t we be a bit more proactive when it comes to safety? 

He also scheduled a visit on Mother’s Day. Which I was expecting, and I had made no real plans because I knew it was coming. 

He then waited until a few hours before the visit to cancel.  Was I shocked? No. The feeble attempt at being “nice” is just another form of his manipulation.  Out of all the people in the world, he is the last person I want to wish me happy Mother’s Day.  It was a slap in the face because he knew I wasn’t going to be able to do anything, or plan anything.  

I also had to file a new motion over the last few weeks.  Our son is almost 18 months old and his father has still not yet paid his portion of medical expenses for birth to present.  To get a medical judgment issued, which by no means indicates that you will receive payment, you have to jump through so many hoops.  You have to fill out a form that shows cost, prove that an insurance claim was filed, prove you were invoiced, prove that you paid, send all documents to the coparent who owes, after getting everything notarized.  You must send this certified mail, for proof that you sent it.  You then must wait 30 days, and the other parent is allowed to attempt at contacting you with a payment plan (this isn’t how medical doctors even operate).  After the 30 days, then you submit the same documents to the court trustee’s office.  They will wait yet another 30 days and if you still have heard nothing, they will file a motion for a trial that would issue a medical judgment against the coparent.  Keep in minds, if the medical judgement is issued, the court trustee wi take 5% of anything that is collected.  

Two days after the trial date was set, I received a check from my coparent for payment for the full amount he owed.  He had been told back in August 2016, and it was put in the judges final order, how much he owed for medical expenses for the birth of our son.  He had promised that he was going to help, but he’s only going to help as much as he has to without getting in trouble.  

I’ve also done a bit of research and discovered that he is receiving additional income on his rental house that he has failed to mention to anyone.  

He has been receiving $600 extra per month for this rental house, which is $7200 additional per year for his income.  This would increase his payment for child support that he owes me by an extra $100 per month which would help me out a lot since our son is now in therapy, and I have to pay a copayment each time he goes.  

He recently filed additional paperwork through the courts trying to prove that I had lied to the court about the amount of childcare expenses I had.  He was trying to reduce the amount of child support he owed, when he has only made 3 monthly payments in 18 months!  And now he is gaining additional income.  These types of parents are the one who the court needs to prevent.  This is called financial abuse and in every single abusive relationship, financial abuse is always a part of it.  The abuser always wants his victim to rely on them for everything.  By keeping their victim from being able to financially support themselves, they guarantee that the victim cannot protect themselves.  

  1. The state of Kansas recently just signed into law SB124.  This new law, effective July 1, 2017, mandates the courts take into account any prior domestic violence when determining custody and visitation when involving minor children.  They are also to take into account the work schedules of the parents, the involvement levels of the parents and the attempts between each parent that will most facilitate the biggest chance of a relationship between the other parent and the child.  I called and asked the local domestic violence shelter to see if this new law would effect my case and I was informed that the center had no idea what I was talking about.  They had never heard about this bill.  What is their focus?  Why don’t the workers know the laws and made aware of these new laws that will directly effect our situations?  What is the purpose of these shelters if they don’t know the laws, they can’t protect the victims, they don’t care about educating, and they receive grant funding.  If nothing can be done, why? Why spend tax dollars on this “resource” that isn’t a real resource.